Friday, November 30, 2012

Dog Shaming.

We have leather furniture.  It wasn't my choice.  It came from Mark's bachelor days, which also included a vibrating Cleveland Indians recliner. Seriously.  A vibrating sports chair.  As soon as I saw it I was all, "will you marry me?"  HA!  No.    The recliner never made it to our first shared apartment, but the furniture has been around for almost ten years.

It worked out well because leather is super easy to clean, and I'm not sure if you've heard?   But kids are messy.  I'm not getting rid of this furniture until the girls are old enough to hold all bodily functions/not covertly color things with markers/wipe all remnants of peanut butter off of their hands and faces.

Kids aren't really wrecking this furniture, though.  Our dogs are doing it for them.  A few months ago, we noticed that there was a tiny hole in the couch.  Annoying to us but not really noticeable.  Then one morning we came down to find a giant glob of couch stuffing hanging out.  Like Baxter tried to murder the couch or something.

Fine.  I was covering it with a pillow but Mark got the brilliant idea to cut a square from the bottom of the couch and super glue it over the hole.  Which...A, for effort?  A, for creativity?  I'm like one project away from just calling him MacGyver. 

This patch solved the problem for a few months but last week I came down to find another hole in the couch.  Fucking Baxter.


My failure to hyphenate ghetto-patched makes it seem like there may
be a human ghetto out there, just going around and patching up couches.
Don't worry.  Just Mark.

My second choice...the shame face in the other one is better.
But here is the patch.
Just in case you need a guide on how to fix your couch someday.

I bought a cable knit throw blanket to cover the holes.  And I found Baxter chewing on that, too.  Basically I should just give up and live in squalor.

16 comments:

Stephanie said...

Before I read your caption, I totally read that as "My human ghetto." Hilarious. I thought you called Mark a Human Ghetto, and I was thought, well that's strange, but not that strange.

Damn pets. They can be way more destructive to furniture than kids are.

E said...

I puzzled over the "human ghetto" too, thinking that Baxter was referring to your household as a human ghetto, which made no sense.

Carli said...

Is Baxter a Shih tzu? He looks just like our older Shih tzu...We have 2 of them and those little bastards are destructive too. And their current object of affection is either podding or shutting on the rug at the back door. Right after coming in from going out to potty. Damded dogs...

Carli said...

Crap, autocorrect and non proof reading. That was supposed to be pissing or shitting...

Megan @ Grimm Tales said...

Just drink until you no longer see the hole.

Amanda C said...

This totally cracked me up. Just what I needed today.

Givinya De Elba said...

That was so funny that I am totally sorry November is over.

A Engineer in the Kitchen said...

I'm lucky that my dog hasn't chewed on furniture but I did catch him chewing on the counter yesterday...why I have no idea. Then again we don't really have any furniture for him to chew on.

Pogue Mahone said...

Or you could just get rid of the dog or confine it somewhere where it can't ruin things.

Christina said...

Rocky, a Shih Tzu as well, did that to both of my old leather couches.

Elizabeth Peck said...

Ok, first, your Baxter looks exactly like my Daisy. And second, my Daisy has scratched a much larger hole in my couch than your Baxter has in your couch :) Is it a stupid shih tzu thing?

Elizabeth Peck said...

Do it looks like shih tzus are all evil. Pissing, shitting and destroying, pretty much all mine does. (Except for the rare moment when she is sweet)

Eva.G said...

Ok, I was laughing so hard when I read this! When we bought our house 3.5 years ago, we bought new leather couches. Just 2 weeks later we got Esme, our first pet (a kitten). Leather couches and kittens should not go together. Let me just say we would not have gotten leather had I known we were going to have cats! We just got a 2nd cat, and this baby kitten has scratched up our couches so much....there is so much of the tan batting showing through the dark leather that the sides of the couches look tan and chocolate brown speckled. Yikes!

I used to feel sick when I'd find a new scratch. Now I am content to know that couches....are just stuff. I can replace them eventually. I've realized maybe I should wait until after we have kids that grow up a little before we replace!

taradawes said...

I swear it's a little dog thing - we keep two blankets on our couch and they look like gigantic slices of swiss cheese now thanks to our rat terrier - it's ridiculous - they are queen size blankets with HUGE GAPING HOLES in them - and the fabric that is missing just magically disappears. I'm waiting to go outside and find my dog pooping out an outfit from all the fabric she has ate :/

Kelly said...

Try some Bitter Apple Spray on the holes and see if he quite chewing. I work at a vet clinic and most shih tzu's are assholes. :)

Kelly said...

quits not quite. damn autocorrect