Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Percentages

The whole time I was pregnant with Adelle, I swore I was done being pregnant.  I actually think that may have been what I was talking about in one of those mystery blog topic emails that I sent to myself (read here).  I wonder if I was yelling out VASECTOMY!!!! any time anyone talked to me about having more kids?  It is possible.  Entirely.  You know, between dry heaves.

Adelle still isn't "easy" yet.  She is happy and cute and everything, but homegirl does not sleep and is a crappy eater and some days still wants to be held all day long.  Sometimes it takes an hour to get her to go to bed. 

On those days, the percentages are decidedly vasectomy.  Adelle was up 3 times last night, and then Mark's percentages went from 60/40 vasectomy, to 75/25 PLZ SNIP THESE BASTARDS SO I CAN SLEEP, KTHXBAI.

And then some days she is so sweet and so fun and then I can't imagine that, for sure, this is it no more babies ever.  And then I'm all, 60/40 more smooshy baybees.

I'm still 50/50.  Or maybe 51/49, vasectomy.

All of this is very hilarious, considering that we required hard core science to even get pregnant.  Twice.  And now that I got pregnant by surprise I just assume that I have all of these options to even consider.  I'll guarantee one thing - I am 100 percent never, ever doing fertility treatments again.  Ever.  No more IVF, no more frozen embryo transfers. 

(Not to appear anti-science because I love science!  Science is my favorite.  Truthfully, I can not even deal with the prospect of getting pregnant with twins again.  I can't imagine the crazy in my head that would result.  So that's that.)

It would be so nice to get rid of all of the baby stuff in our house.  To know that every time there is a hard stage (like OMG RIGHT NOW), it is the last time we will have to deal with it.  That soon, we will have two functional little humans and the freedom associated with age 2+.  To know that my body is mine again, for good.

But then, boo.  No more fat cheek babies?  That's kind of...sad.

So, blog friends, I ask you: How do you decide?  Do you just "know" when you are done?  Or did some other circumstance make the decision for you?

Also, isn't it funny how hard it seems to have one baby, until you have two?  Hilar.  Yeah, I should totally have another baby.  What, with all of this attractive bitching and moaning. 

53 comments:

Erika said...

going from one to two was very hard. going from two to three was ASTRONOMICALLY harder. much, much harder than two. i think whenever you have had a child (or two) die, then it means that you never really feel done. at least that is my experience - i always feel that there is *someone* missing, because there is (for me, twin girls). so yea- it is just hard. i don't know how to reconcile it, but i can definitely understand that dilema between feeling "done" and "not done"...

White Picket Fences said...

So I had no idea that I would ever "know". I really thought that some secret part of me would always want another one. And then I had a surprise baby after infertility. And now I KNOW. No more pinings, no regrets, no maybes. Just done. We are done. With a capital D.

Just the Tip said...

We have a clomid baby & a surprise we were wrong about the whole 2% chance baby. 15 1/2 months apart, 3 year old & almost 2. Both high risk pregnancy (read: placental abruption, stroke, neural tube defects, IUGR, PTL, lack of placental sufficiency...blah blah blah).
I wanted to get my tubes tied but i was on lovenox when I delivered DD2 Early so they wouldn't do it. Then at 6 weeks I didn't want to do it so H got a vasectomy.

Sometimes I think I want another child, I'd really like to adopt at some point in the future, but risk wise, percentage wise, it's probably better for my health and the girls if I don't.

I just don't make or bake healthy babies (both of our girls have some significant medical problems).

I've had baby fever a couple of times, but then M will have a horrid night or i'll hear that awful newborn cry..and I'll be like hell to the no thanks!

Knowing we are done is nice, getting rid of the stuff as it's outgrown is nice.

Part of me still not feeling done may be because I never had a typical pregnancy. I am only 26 and It just seems weird to never get that.

I guess it is what it is.

Good luck in your decision!

Minta said...

We had several miscarriages before bringing the boy home, then we had him and thought like magic everything was fixed and we could just pop 'em out every year until menopause. Turns out? No so much. After every miscarriage I'm all "never doing this again" and "all f'ing done" then a couple of months later it's "I miss babies" and "never say never." So we haven't done anything permanent one way or the other. I'd like to have my body back at some point, and be done with the whole reproduction thing, but am just not 100% ready to throw in the towel. So yeah, right there with you on the not knowing how to decide...

starcrossedmommy said...

For us, it was age. My dad was 45 when I was born, and at the time not a lot of the dads were that old. So I grew up with a father that would be called Grampa, and as a teenager I had to grow up very fast as he crumbled with heart disease and assorted other illnesses. So I did not want to have a child after 40. I wanted to be reasonably healthy and with some amount of energy to deal with the kids as they grew up.

and then, the month before I turned 40, I got pregnant with our youngest. The universe can have such a wicked sense of humor at times... but we are done. Done done done done, have I mentioned done?

Jen said...

Ohhh...Erika. You make a very, very interesting point. I'm going to seriously need to chew on that.

Superstar said...

I am O-U-T out done finito nada no mas

M&M were seven loooong years and a shitload of money in the making. Surprise B and really big surprise C&M who prove that god has a wicked sense of humor. I am not a fan of the itty bitty baby stage. Maybe if I'd had them one at a time it might be different. This six months old and no sleeping stuff is for the birds. Add to that the nursing and I am 100/0% vasectomy. That can be my Christmas/anniversary/birthday present for the next year and I'll be happy. Had C&M in April. Dh and have done the deed twice since then because I'm pretty sure we're afraid of each other.

Have I mentioned I'm DONE?!

Jennifer said...

I really don't have an answer, but I have followed you since the very beginning and wanted to say thanks for this post tonight. I have 2 girls about the same age as Olivia and Adelle and like you my second baby was a complete shock. And then tonight I found out I'm pregnant again and I was done so this is an even bigger surprise. Not sure what I'm saying but I guess just thanks for the timing of this post because I'm pretty shaken with this news :)

Anyway, I think you know when you know and really in the end, it is up to God and not us all of the time. And you do have the most adorable babies!

Laruu said...

It took 4 rounds of Clomid plus IUI to get pregnant with my 4 yo son. I haven't been on any sort of birth control since before he was born and pregnancy hasn't happened. I have been saying for years that once I hit 36 I was would be Done trying. I will be 36 in April and now I'm not so sure I am Done. All I know is that I don't want to be 40 with a newborn. I hated fertility treatments and crazy that was associated with them. I honestly don't know if I could do that again. So to answer your question...I don't know how you know when you are done. If you figure it out, let me know.

Hastings Family said...

After highrisk pregnancies and multiple miscarriages we decided we were done and hubby got snipped, tied, and burned. He's military and deploys so being on bedrest with weekly doctors appointments from the start with 3 very active boys just couldn't be done. Now that Josh is 18 months we are so happy that we are done. I see cute little babies and go "aww how cute! You can take it back now" :) So for us it was a we can't do this again and then it was a THANK GOD WE CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN! situation :)

Briana said...

We have a 3 year old and 4 month old, my Mirena is in and the vasectomy is scheduled for December 7th! Taking no chances here.

We both always said we would be good with two. Then our youngest was born via emergency csection with me being cut from my belly button to where the sun don't shine.....and told any further babies would have to be born that way too. No way I'm doing that again, it sealed the deal!!

Anne said...

Daily debate at our house. Daily. Three was a no brainer for both of us (and I think by far the easiest transition was from 2 to 3), but now we are caught in the should we-shouldn't we limbo. Immediately after #3 I was donezo. Could have had husband get the snip while I was still in the hospital. Felt amazing. And then at about 6 months I started thinking...hmm, one more? Nah, we're good, right? And now #3 is one (oldest just turned 4, so yeah, 3 kids in 3 years), and I am pretty much 95% yes, I want another. Until it's bedtime, then I think of what a bitch it is being pregnant and having a newborn. I like these days of being able to sleep through the night. Husband is not as sold on the idea of #4, so let me know how you figure it out. Flip a coin maybe?

Steph said...

Well, funny you talk about this. I had a hard time deciding if I was done. My husband definitely was done after 2. After all, they are our miracles. Why do we need to have any more? 2 kids, 2 adults, perfect. It was so hard for me to say I was done, even at 37 with 2 toddlers. Not super fertile, a couple miscarriages early on before our boys, so we didn't use protection. Yep, that got decided for us. Baby #3 due in May. Super excited and we'll be done after this one. :)

Kahla said...

Well, I feel not done, but considering we have a better chance at roping the moon then getting pregnant on our own, I guess the decision will be made for us. We have two totsicles and they will be our last shot. Five IVFs and losing three babies was enough for me in that department.

Chelsy said...

Here is how we decided on a third. We will never regret having another child in the long run (I might for the first year when I'm up nursing in the middle of the night). But if we didn't have a third, I think I might regret it. Or I won't. But I know that I will love my third baby just like the first two. And in the grand scheme of things, two hard years is a relatively short period of time to have it rough. I frequently think about what Christmas will be like when my kids are grown. And it just feels like we need one more. Oh! And most people tell me that the transition from one to two was the hardest. They all lied when I was pregnant with my second. Two felt like six for at least the first six months. Best of luck!!!

teamglenn said...

We're somewhat debating this issue in our house. I always wanted 3, hubby wanted 2. We have two now - our son is almost 2.5 years old and our daughter is not quite two weeks old. We wound up having to go the Clomid & IUI route to get the two we have. We both want to be done by the time we're 35, and we're now 33. We also now have one of each, so it seems like a good time to call it quits (although we would have also been thrilled with two boys or two girls). Our son was born at 35 weeks when my water broke with no warning. With our daughter I was watched more closely because of my history of PTL, so I got put on bed rest at 33 weeks because I had already started dilating, plus I had gestational diabetes the second time around. I'm not sure I want to go through all of that again (even though, compared to many, my pregnancies and deliveries were relatively easy), but I'm not 100% sure I'm ready to be done, either. I know that if we do wind up having a third, it'll be a surprise. There's just no way I could intentionally plan to have another baby in the next year and a half, but we would definitely welcome another if it were to fall in our laps. We were talking about hubby getting snipped next year, but maybe we'll just have to wait a couple of years to be sure.

Caroline said...

Ugh. Who knows. I'm a loss mom myself so I wonder if I will ever feel done because I'll always feel incomplete. But could I come to peace with what I have at some point? I hope so. A stillbirth, a living son, and recently a miscarriage - I'm not there yet. I don't know where there is and when done is, but it's not now.

Maybe once I stop looking at pinterest and thinking of cute ways to decorate a nursery? Maybe then I'll be done. Until then - I'll keep on pinning. . .

Jennjilla said...

In my head, I know two boys are more than enough. In my heart, I feel like we should have Another. Husband has another year of school then will sit for CPA - putting us close to 2 yrs before he is free from studying. That will make me 34, with an 8 and 4 yr old. Eeehhhhh. I just don't know what to do!!

Ginger said...

Such an emotional, personal topic. We are one and done, but it was a very hard decision that I still struggle with even though I remain committed to it.
We have mortgage-sized debt from law school and a house that is probably underwater. I am afraid if we had to pay for more than one college, it would be impossible, and it is a huge priority for us to pay for undergrad at least.
Also, we managed for my husband to stay home for 2 years with my daughter and I cannot imagine putting a second baby in daycare at 12 weeks (or younger) after having had that wonderful luxury with the first.
If we had a mother-in-law retire and offer to keep any future babies like TOMORROW, we'd probably try for another. But we're 34 and it wasn't easy to have our first. And I would not want to risk twins so I wouldn't do fertility treatments.
So...... that's all to say we're one and done because the stars don't quite aline like that. And we are so, so thankful for our healthy 1 that it gets me over baby fever when I think that many women don't even have that.
sorry for the essay :)

Denise said...

I don't really get the choice. My doctor said he isn't comfortable with the idea of my attempting to carry another baby, and while I don't know that I would consider myself done otherwise (even with the third living child on the way), I do know that my body is over it. Otherwise, I bet I would never make the decision.

boringyear said...

Even before he was diagnosed with cancer my Monkey was hard work. He's 15 months and he woke up 4 times last night before I even went to bed. And that's pretty standard, has been his whole life.

Which is to say, assuming the fertility gods give us the choice (Monkey was spontaneous conception the month after a failed IVF) we are tossing up between 2 and 3, but I'm starting to think by the time the second one is toddling I will be OVER having babies.

So although we only have one atm, I think I will be done after 2. Ask me again when we get there!

aryanhwy said...

I'd always thought 4 would be a nice number; I'd babysat for a number of 4-kid families in high school, and they were great fun. Then my sister had 4, and I realized, WOW that is so much work. And it would be REALLY hard to maintain our car-free status with that many.

For a long time, the serious numbers considered were 0 or 2. Well, we've got 1 now, so the first option is out. Joel still needs some convincing that the second option is a good one, but he's an only child himself and recognizes that that's maybe not the best. Luckily we've got at least 9 months before I'm willing to start trying again, so we're in no rush.

I will admit, that part of what gets me through the awful baby period (I'm not much of a baby person) is the knowledge that we will do this at most once more.

Samantha said...

I also had a reaaaaally hard time knowing I was done. It took a lot of soul searching but I realized that I'm just having a hard time with my babies not being babies anymore (they are almost 2). I still fantasize about another but in my heart I know we are just really lucky with the family that we have now.

MoKa424 said...

Same indecision boat here. We fluctuate weekly between ANOTHER and DONE. I'm usually leaning more to D, just because I don't have fantastic pregnancies and it has been nice the last month of not trying to be pregnant, pregnant, or nursing a baby. Then I get hit with all the cute and my baby is looking more like a big kid every day and walking and talking and I want to call my fertility specialist asap.

Jill said...

I'm very similar to you. I required hard core science to have my first (IVF/ICSI) and then had a happy "surprise" baby. I've also lost two babies.

We are also in the "no more IVF or shots or drugs or vag cam. EVER" camp, but haven't gone as far as making a third baby an impossibility. My husband is totally on board for a third baby but I am wavering. My husband is a Navy pilot and gone A LOT (a lot isn't a strong enough word). So another baby would bring another layer of stress. BUT. Maybe I'm nuts, but there are days where I really don't feel complete yet.

I think what we've decided is that we will TTC casually (basically, no birth control but no charting, temping, or paying much attention) for about a year. If we get pregnant - YAY. If we don't - OK. Either way, we leave it up to fate or God or whatever you want to call it and move forward in either direction.

As a Type-A planner I can't believe I am even considering this Type-B approach. But it is the only way that I think I'll have closure over the issue.

Elana said...

We had 2, the boy and then the girl. I wasn't done but my husband danced all the way home from the ultrasound that said #2 was a girl shouting we're done we're done we're done! I never felt done and had an oopsie pregnancy that was an ectopic when the girl was 4. Begged for about a year after to have more husband was like no we're done. Gave up, went on the pill, started making moves toward leaving SAHM land and moving back to working, got a good gig going with that and whoa! Got pregnant with my one barely functioning ovary that apparently can ovulate despite hormonal intervention. Son was 12 and Daughter was almost 11 when son#2 was born. He is now 8 months and a terrorist and joy all at once. I definitely feel done now and am enjoying every delicious squishy baby moment with him.

Elana said...

Oh and my husband adores him as well and he was the first to say that he didn't realize he was "missing" until we had him!

Colleen said...

We always said, "one and done." Then we had two at the same time. So even better being that they were b/g. But then my husband was diagnosed with cancer when they were 5 months old and any chance of changing ours minds was taken away. I feel extremely lucky that we have the children we were blessed with.

Mel said...

Certainly everyone's journey to being "done" is different. My first son came after 1.5 years of trying, Clomid,and 2 miscarriages. He was a 31 weeker, but after he came home, life was easy. 2 adults giving one tiny baby a bath? no problem! My second son was a suprise (correction - shock. he was a 'we didn't use protection twice and I'm pregnant? That actually happens? It's not just something fertile myrtles say to cover up the fact that they are having loads of whore-ish unprotected sex?' baby) I have been told going from 1 to 2 is the hardest transition. I have had a hard time as a SAHM to 2 little ones. Being outnumbered most of the time is rough. But from what I've heard adding a third or fourth isn't as bad because you've already learned how to muti task your parenting. I don't know that I want to test that theory. Haha.

When I found out my second was another boy I thought I would always have a little twinge of wanting another. A longing for a daughter. When I had to actually parent 2 small children, I told everyone I couldn't even imagine having a third child. But at age 32 we still have 5 years that we consider acceptable to have another baby.(for us) At 37, when our kids are 8 and 6 and in school full time, will we want another? Maybe. So we will not do anything permanent and make that decision for our future selves. However, as time goes by, with every month, things get easier. My boys are 2.5 and 1 now. Surprisingly, as things get easier I am feeling more and more like we are DONE. That this is it. Our boys were exactly what we were meant to have and I can't imagine there being another member of our family.

Reading your post I felt like the loss(es) of your daughters probably play a part but, not having gone through it, I couldn't quite put my finger on how. Erica explained it nicely.

Rachel @ The House of Burks said...

Our oldest was conceived with the help of Clomid and our youngest was a delightful surprise. So like you, I am also in a weird spot of having to think about taking permanent birth control measures when we are done. But I don't know when we will be done. I think we both would like one more, but my husband would like to adopt and I want to be pregnant again. I have boring pregnancies and healthy babies, and I probably have one more C-section in me. We've tentatively decided to stop preventing in 2014 and just see what happens. If I'm not pregnant by the end of that year, we'll probably close up shop and possibly consider adopting. I am perfectly content with the two children I have now, but I just love babies so much that I can't see myself not having another.

alison said...

I always wanted 3 kids. J wanted an even number... so either 2 or 4. Then something changed during my pg with B and I sort of had this deep "knowing" that 2 was going to be good for us, that it would round us out and our family would be complete. I can't even really explain it, especially without sounding like a bit weirdo. I was a bit sad as j was going through the last baby-baby stages, but has he nears the age (18mo) that B was when I got pg with j... I have zero baby desires. Maybe that will change, and we'll want to adopt or something years from now. But right now, our family feels complete and I am very very content. You will just... know, when you know.

Mel said...

Also, as my boys are getting older the financial aspect is hitting home. It's becoming reality and not just an abstract thought. My oldest is in preschool and we've done the math on how much it's going to cost when they are both in school at the same time. I can't imagine coming up with tuition for 3. We probably would have to keep the third home until kindergarten and how is that fair? Or I would have to return to work and put him/her in daycare. And little things like having to buy 2 kids meals now when we go out to lunch along with ours. And then the big one...college. Just too much financial stress as well as parenting stress. I don't think it would be a good decision for our family.

Bobbi said...

We only wanted one child, until we had one then we wanted two. until dh decided he only wanted one, again. but i still wanted another. so after 2 1/2 i finally convinced him. and then we were DONE. so dh got a vasectomy when #2 was 8 months old. now #2 is almost 2 and i REALLY want another. and dh keeps talking about how he does also. SHIT! so don't do anything permanent until you are both 150% sure. it's easier to get off birh control than it is to reverse a vas. :(

Amy said...

We've done 4 fresh IVF's...out of those 4 we had 3 embryos to transfer. Lexi was one of them. We lost the other 2 to miscarriage. I want another baby, but we don't have insurance money anymore and we don't have our own funds to cover it. 9 years of unprotected sex and we've not ever had a hint of a surprise. So finances made my decision for me...

SherilinR said...

we suffered from bi-party infertility and were told we'd never conceive naturally. then we did. healthy, skinny baby. conceived 2 more times in the next 3 years and lost both early in pregnancy. that second miscarriage completely stole away my desire for any more babies. we enjoy each stage of parenting and then we pack it up and move on knowing that it's over for us.

rebeckah@mydwellingplace said...

I've got some immunologic stuff that doesn't allow me to have a wee one the old fashioned way...(trust me - I tried for years!) So we adopted our bub this spring at 18 months from South Korea. About 2 months home with this frenetic, angry, greif stricken toddler...I was ready to go back and do it again! Hubs - not so much.

For us the decision will have to come within the next 6 months, because the process takes SOOOOOOO long - if we start in April or May - it will take another 2 years before we can bring home bub's sibling...They would net out being three years apart and my husband would be close to aging out of the program. So the clock is ticking loudly over here!

Part of me thinks - it would be so much easier the second time - I would know what to expect - I would do it so much better. Then we all got sick with bronchitis and I thought - Jeez I can barely wrangle one kid and keep him safe and alive...what would I do with two?!?!

mommacommaphd said...

I'm wondering this myself. We had #2 almost 6 months ago. We have a boy and girl. Are we done? Not sure.

I haven't parted with my maternity clothes (even though, thankfully, I'm not still wearing them!), I hold my little boy and wonder if he really is my last.

I know that as I went through my most recent pregnancy, I wasn't thinking- "This is the last time."

However, on nights when he wakes constantly, and when he's asleep his sister comes in and wakes us up to use the potty, I turn to my husband and say, "Remind me of this if I want a third."

Really not sure.

kdactyl said...

We went through a ton of fertility to get our babies too. After the first $40k...oh..I mean baby, We thought for sure we would be happy with that one miracle we got. But no...we couldn't just settle for one very healthy, awesome sleeping, happy baby. We had to roll the dice. So...one FET and another $7k and we were pregnant with #2. Thrilled! And just as the morning sickness hit...our happy, sleeping, eating baby on the outside turned 2 and became a cranky, up all night, screaming toddler with a mind of his own and lungs to prove it. I won't lie...I was SCARED. And then the wee squishy baby arrived and the Angels sang and all was awesome for like 3 weeks. And then the newborn woke up, had colic, wanted to be held all the time and was just generally a much more needy child. Two was and is HARD!!!! And I KNEW we were done. Our daughter will be 2 on saturday and our son is approaching 5. Life is finally slowing down and believe me...the baby stuff is flying out the window. But seriously...I FEEL complete. I have no thoughts of pregnancy and squishy babies and cute booties....NONE. I'm DONE! I am so done that I don't even want to hold other people's babies. It is just a feeling. But it is also a relief. I'm tired. I haven't slept since the 2nd one was born and I haven't been able to lose the weight...it is just harder...two kids, two full time jobs and a house to keep and a life to try and live and make rich and fulfilling. I think we have enough on our plates. Luckily I kind of knew I was not going to have any more...so even though both kids were IVF/FET....I still got my tubes tied just to make sure God didn't play any tricks on us! You will know....so if you are still not sure...just wait it out...you will KNOW when you are done. Believe me.
kd

mandie lane said...

We just knew we weren't done at two. Well, I just knew, and my husband didn't dare disagree. Two felt nuts and I didn't feel exactly "ready" for #3 when I found out I was pregnant, and three is absolute insanity most days, but now we feel DONE. Completed. What have you. No more babies, and not much sadness about that at all.

If you're not sure you're done, you're probably not done.

Sara said...

We knew the minute I needed to go to the ER at 2am and we realized that my husband would need to attend to 2 sleeping/awake children in an ER alone. You think with 2 kids that its man to man combat, but what if one of you gets.....say....Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever? And you can't walk, much less carry a child. Its two against one. You can hold one sleeping child, You can hold one sleeping child and have another sleeping on your lap. You are out of arms for a third.

Pinky said...

When we conceived the first after a year of trying it was a blessing. Then we were surprised with a 31 weeker and scared that all would be alright. We contemplated having a 2nd together, we were yes and no and weren't actively trying, but weren't actively preventing either. Landed up pregnant when #1 was 7 months old. Now they are 23 months & 7 months old and I closed up shop when I delivered #2 via c-section. If it didn't happen before 35 we were going to be done. Pregnant after 30 is no joke. I want to be able to keep up with them and 2 boys and a teenage step-daughter, we are good.

Stacey said...

My 3.5-year-old daughter was a Clomid IUI baby. I had placenta previa, so she was delivered via a fairly complicated C-section. I really, really wanted another child, and after many failed IUIs later, I gave up. We sold everything, at least all the big expensive stuff that's hard to replace. Then I got pregnant all on my own – yeah! And I then I miscarried and needed a D&C. So I was done done DONE! And then the next cycle I got pregnant--again. After all those infertility woes.

After lots of pregnancy drama (bad genetic screen but perfectly fine amnio, placenta previa AGAIN, polyhydramnios, incarcerated uterus!), I had a WAY CRAZY vertical-incision C-section in October and delivered a beautiful, healthy, baby boy at 40. And during said crazy C-section, I had a dual tubal ligation :-) So yeah, I'm done.

Me said...

I almost didn't have my second little girl (who was born the day after Adele, incidently; I actually read your birth announcement post sitting in my delivery room while my husband went with the baby to be checked by the pediatrician,gotta love technology!)My husband wanted one more but I wasn't sure. Someone told me that I should think about whether or not I would regret it if I never had another baby. I realized I would. Now I really want a third-but my husband is not sold. We've agreed to revisit it in a year or so. But I just can't believe I'll never have another adorable little snuggle bug. I am working on him by reminding him that we have 2 girls so a boy might even the score around here.

Clair said...

So I've never needed scientific intervention to get pregnant but will share with you anyways. And hopefully you don't hate me cause I'm one of those women who can get pregnant by washing my underwear in the same load as my hubby's. Two of my kids were conceived while I was on the pill.

Anyhoo....I always wanted four kids. Each pregnancy was progressively worse for me. Sicker each time. After my third, I was diagnosed with a chronic auto immune illness and the doc advised me that having any more kids would not be a great idea. I had the baby yearning for quite a while. My kids are 13, 10 and 6. Once the little one got out of diapers, I realized "Hey we've been buying diapers, pullups and wipes for 13 years!!" I loved not having to schlep that stuff anymore. When the oldest turned 13 we realized we could duck out to eat dinner in a restaurant, alone and didn't have to hire a babysitter! For a while I looked at baby's and longed for another. Now I hold them, enjoy the moment, and am grateful I am not in that stage anymore!

Also, I think going from two to three was WAY easier than 1 to 2.

I think you'll know whether to add more to your family - maybe when everything is calmer with Adele things will be clearer to you. Or maybe, like my birth control babies, a greater power will decide for you ;)

Rotten said...

I just knew and I have never once questioned my decision to have my tubes tied after my second child was born. He is only 19 months old now but there has not been one day where I thought I might had made the wrong decision. My heart never longs for one more squishy baby. My uterus doesn't ache when I see a new little baby. I happily cleared out all of the baby stuff. I am done. I want to move on with the rest of my life. I think when it comes to moving past the journey of TTC, you have to be 100%. If you are having even the slightest doubt then you aren't ready to throw in the scrotum so to speak. :)

CAM said...

Fascinating to read everyone's stories and reasonings. Proves that it is a very unique and personal decision to be DONE.

It took us three years and a bucket full of clomid to fall pregnant first time round. Second time round was a very low dose of clomid and bag - preggers. Third time round: delightful, blissful "we didn't need to do a damn thing other than a bit of rumpy pumpy" surprise. Said surpirse is 11 weeks old and breastfeeding as I type.

We're done and hubby had the snip three weeks ago to prove it. I could be pregnant, labour and birth and have newborns FOREVER because I love, love, love those stages and events. But toddlers? Forget about it!! And YIKES, teenagers!!! Three kids fit in our car and our house too.

I knew I was done when I imagined that I was pregnant and I was actually scared. It felt daunting.

Three feels right for us. Hubby turns 40 in Jan so he was delighted to have all his kids on the ground before that milestone birthday. I am loving the feeling that I never have to stress again about "trying to get pregnant". I will miss babies...but I am so damn lucky to have the three that I do.

Good luck with making your decision Jen.

Rebecca said...

I have a 5 1/2 year old and 3 1/2 year old twins, all IVF with a natural pregnancy/miscarriage in the middle. After the twins were born I knew I was done. No doubt in my mind and my husband recently got the snip. Phew. We both come from families with three kids however I think I would have stopped at two but who knows since I was never given that chance.

~ joann said...

Hmmm. We have one child that we had to spend a billion dollars to have via surrogacy. The bill to keep our remaining embies on ice will be here in December. Just this morning my husband said "are we going to donate them yet?" and I still don't know. We likely won't have another billion dollars in the next few years to go throuh surrogacy again... but I'm not ready to say "this is it" quite yet. Plus we're old. Old. So yeah, that'll play into it too. My not-so-well-thought-out opinion is: no snippy snippy until you're 100%/0% sure it's time :) (and if this posts twice - sorry! was signed in as my husband before this!)

Lorrie said...

I think it's basically out of our hands to decide whether we're "done" or "not done" at this point. I am so not the girl that gets pregnant via any means other than hard core science. I would LOVE another baby, but, unless I decide to put my body through the hell on earth that is IVF, I highly doubt it will ever happen. Being able to choose between done and not done yet is a gift.

LauraJane said...

I lost my first when he was eleven days old. My second arrived sixteen months after his birth and she's a chubby, healthy, gorgeous six month old.

Were going to start trying again in the new year. I've always wanted 4 babies... I'm just not sure whether that means 4 total (including my Jack), or 4 living, breathing, squishy babies.

I don't know how you just know. I feel like I could easily hoard babies. That longing will always be there to hold the one I just can't.... :/

~*Amanda~* said...

We. Are. Done. Baby number one is now almost 3 (IUI/injections)....baby number two is still baking (16 weeks) and is the result of a FET. The fact of the matter is--I'm a crappy pregnant woman. Seriously. I suck at it....being pregnant really stresses me out and I also have to deal with high blood pressure, which makes me high risk which means heaps more monitoring (and a lot more anxiety). So yeah--if this baby comes out happy and healthy--I don't think I will feel any regrets about doing something permanently. I'm pretty sure I'd do anything to avoid going through pregnancy again, with my two experiences under my belt.

Wiz said...

I feel like I cant fairly answer this because I am eight months pregnant and DONE, but for us, we weren't sure if we wanted two or three but I was pretty sure that four was too many. And then we had a big oopsie after number two which will leave me with three kids under four. I have gotten through this pregnancy by knowing I will never have to quit drinking again! (And knowing that we are not starting over again.) Its also nice to know my age when my youngest graduates high school and it doesnt feel too old to travel and do things! Good luck to you!

Jayme said...

I've come to realize just recently that being DONE and feeling as if my family is complete are two different things.

I'm DONE with pregnancy. DONE! Sign me up for a tubal, stat!

But my family will never, ever feel complete. We'll always be missing kids, even if I did decide to rival the Duggar's.