Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Donated, Research.



No more assisted reproduction.
Future pregnancy by relaxation only.
Which we all know is the most reliable way to get pregnant anyway.
We got the official notice in the mail today.  My adventures in assisted reproduction have come to an end.  While we aren't 100% ready to close up shop on the ol' uterus of doom, we are 100% sure that we will not do fertility treatments of any kind. 
First, because I've had enough.  I did two fresh In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) cycles, and one Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  And two Intrauterine Inseminations (IUI).  And a Clomid cycle.  I've been poked and prodded and hormoned up and it was completely and totally worth it.  But now I'm done, which is really kind of the point of fertility treatments.  Get it done, hopefully get some babies, and get on with life.  I will limit my visits to the stirrups to once a year, and hopefully this will terminate permanently my relationship with the dildo cam internal ultrasound wand.

Second, I can not risk the chance of a twin pregnancy again.  I just...ugh.  I can't.  It was hard on my body, and it did not go well for my babies when I was pregnant with twins.  And sure, I could transfer one (not implant, in case you don't know the difference, please stop making that mistake kthxbai), but that doesn't even matter.  My twins were identical - the result of one splitting embryo.  I would be a total mental case if I got pregnant with twins again.

If we decide to try for a third (fifth?) it will be a game of regular old sexy sex and wait and see until we don't want to wait and see anymore.  I feel happy with the two we have and won't go through an angsty, woe infertility period again.  If it doesn't happen, it doesn't...if we even decide to try. 

Last night I was really in favor of a vasectomy as I listened to Adelle cry from 12 - 3 a.m.  Today I am too tired to drive Mark to get one so his vas deferens shall remain in tact for at least another day.

Anyway, opening that letter today felt like a big deal.  Even though I sent the request form over a month ago and knew it was coming, it still feels significant to know that that door is closed.  No more adventures in infertility. It's a good thing! 

Luckily, I feel like the phrase "Maybe If You Just Relax" is still applicable.  I may be guilty of saying that to Olivia several times a day.  That, and "BECAUSE I SAID SO."  And also, "don't eat your boogies."

(I know people fall all over the board on this, and some people have some really strong opinions about embryos and what should be done with them.  And whatever everyone decides to do with their embryos is fine by me.  We decided to donate ours to research.  Thanks in advance for not going bat shit bananas on me in the comments.)

20 comments:

Jennjilla said...

I feel the same way - if we were ever to visit Crazy Town and decide to try for #3, it would be the old fashioned way and that is it. I'm never going through that stress again, and mine was no where as bad as what you went through. I think it's cool you donated yours - maybe the research will help a mommy to be finally get her dream baybee!

Wendy said...

((hugs))

Lisa said...

No judgments here. We decided right before IVF that we would stop treatments childless. There was something about signing what seemed like our life away [custody of embryos in divorce? upon death of a spouse?] that I just couldn't deal. After three or four clomid cycles and one lost tube and another one full of scars after another loss, I was just done.

No one knows this walk unless they've walked it.

Best of luck and many prayers to you and yours Jen.

aryanhwy said...

"Don't eat your boogies" sounds like very good conception advice to me!

HereWeGoAJen said...

Even if that letter is what you wanted, I'm sure it was a big deal to get. Hugs.

Amanda said...

Love you.

SommerNyte said...

I don't know you, and you (probably) don't know me, but I was in your shoes 5 years ago. We got pregnant with number one on our own - somehow - but then went through 4 years of IF treatments (4 IUIs, 2 IVFs). We finally had twins. My twin pregnancy was hell, and they were born 9 weeks too soon. Thankfully, they are here and well, but it was a ride I never wished to be on again.

We didn't have any embryos left over either time (thankfully). I never had to decide what to do with them.

But now, 5 years and 2 months after having my twins... 9 years and 3 months after having our first... 11 years and 6 months after getting married... 14 years and 7 months after my husband and I met... I am 28 weeks pregnant.

I wanted to smack everyone who gave me the old, "SEE?! You just had to STOP TRYING!" because yeah... two pregnancies in 14.5 years isn't exactly the fertility jackpot, people. We had a 3% chance of conceiving and it happened; it's called statistics.

I hope - if it's what you want - that it happens for you again. Oh, but let me tell you, even without fertility treatments, I was still terrified it was twins again, and everyone and their mother keeps asking if it's twins again. Ugh.

Lisa McHugh said...

I've got 5 kids - the first 2 on fertility cocktails, the second 2 were a one-egg-implant and the fifth was defying the million to one odds of conceiving naturally. My shop's shut and hubby's hose is blocked, so if number 6 comes it would be a dead-set miracle.

As for donating or using eggs for research - I think that is an unselfish use of treatment. Be proud. Your little goog may be the one to change the lives of millions.

xx

sarahw said...

I think you made a great decision, we did the same thing with our last frozen embryo. I have 2 babies from IVF; the second one has a rare genetic disorder. Most research being done using embryos is focused on finding gene therapy treatments for precious babies like mine. When you're done with IF treatments, you're just done, and something has to be done with what's left in the freezer. Thanks for choosing to contribute to such important work!

Milla said...

I hope that it is a good feeling to have received the letter and put that all to rest. I imagine it could feel a little strange but it sounds like good progress.x

Robin said...

I think you made a great decision. I hope it feels good to slam that door shut. I have a 3 year old from an IUI. Our surrogate is 20 weeks pregnant with our second boy and we have 2 frozen embryos. We haven't shut the fertility door yet but I hope it feels good when we do. Thank you for letting us know your decision.

Jacksmom said...

We did 3 fresh IVF cycles and one frozen and our first and last cycles have us 2 beautiful children. We had two embryos frozen and didn't know what to do. DH wanted to throw them away, I didn't. But neither of us could put them up for adoption. One of my friend's friends had a little girl 4 months older than our at the time newborn baby who had just been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder and they'd been told that this child wouldn't live. Her body will eventually give up and she has two older siblings who weren't quite old enough to explain this to. I was heartbroken but suddenly the decision of what to do with our frozen embryos seemed so easy and clear. Donate them for research. Maybe they will help find a cure for a disease, or help doctors understand early embryonic development and therefore help more infertile couples conceive. Either way, our embryos and yours have gone to help the greater good and there isn't a damn thing wrong with that. Their contribution will likely live on longer than any of us.

Leah said...

I think you made the decision that was right for your family. You questioned fifth (third?) It would be your fifth. You have four beautiful blessings-2 here 2 in heaven. If you are blessed with a fifth- well that would just be an extra blessing. Love your blog.

Unknown said...

Hi Jen, you walked me through my IVF cycle about 4.5 years ago (I now have a 3.5 year old daughter) and I am very happy to read this post- not because I have any opinion but because it's just nice to know you are feeling settled and peaceful where you're at. I have 9 embryos and I am not sure if we will try to have another child or not. Regardless, I am very unsure at this point what we will do with the remaining embryos post-second-child-who-might-not-have-or-not. In other words, I'm not implanting all 9, so regardless, we will have a decision to make. Much love to you and your beautiful family.

Sam Bates said...

I find it so weird to read today that you are at the end of AR and I've just started this week. I have been reading your blog for several years but didn't think I would be in the same situation. It sucks!

PiccolaPineCone said...

don't comment much but wanted to give a shout out for donating to research! well done!

Brooke said...

Joe and I recently made the same decision and had our embryos donated to research. In fact, I pretty much could have written this post myself, except for the fact that my uterus of doom IS officially closed as far as I'm concerned ;)

Jill said...

I was right there with you after the birth of my second child (first baby was IVF, second was a huge surprise). After my son was a few months old we got "the letter" and decided to donate our two frozen embryos.

I don't have regrets really, but we have decided that we want one more child. And like you, we decided fertility treatments are not the way we want to go. I'm content, but I'm also nervous. I'm really hoping that once we start trying that I don't have regrets about my embryos.

For me, the day I mailed that letter back was bittersweet. I knew it was the best decision (because, like you, if I never give myself a tummy shot or visit the vag cam again I will be a happy lady) for my health and happiness... But I was still sad in a way.

Happy New Year!

Dora said...

I have an awesome 3 year old via embryo donation. (Who also likes to eat boogies. Ewww!) But contrary to what you might think, if my sad, old ovaries had managed to produce good enough eggs to create good enough enbies to have any to freeze, I probably would have made the same choice as you. I will always be grateful that my donor chose to donate to me, but it's such an individual, private choice, and IMO, not for anyone else to judge. Glad you're at peace with your decision. Hope the teething eases soon.

B kaemingk said...

We're in the middle of IVF-land this very second... 29 days until our next frozen transfer. My heart squeezes that you are all done... it's a rough ride! We've done 2 fresh and 1 frozen transfer and have a little boy so far! But yikes, it's no fun. I just shared my own story for the first time. http://ohdinner.com/2013/01/12/infertility-sucks/