Wednesday, January 23, 2013

This is 33




My birthday was this week.  I don't really care about my birthday.  I mean, I don't expect anyone to make a big deal out of it or buy me an extravagant gift or anything.

If you were wondering, I got a heart rate monitor and some roses.  Which is a pretty dismal gift in comparison to my thirtieth birthday gift.  And most importantly, I slept for 13 glorious hours during which I did not deal with any kid BS.  I wore ear plugs and woke up totally refreshed and without a sore throat for the first time in a week.

(Adelle is trying to kill me by not sleeping, and Olivia is trying to kill me by attituding me to death.  That will be the extent of my parenting woe.  For now.)

I keep thinking that at some point I will become this really put together, efficient, goal-attaining bad ass.  I can tell you for sure that at 33?  Not yet.  Maybe next year.

Right now I am way overweight.  And not in the, "I feel so chubby you guys tell me how skinny I am so I can feel good about myself" way, but more in the, "wow, I just had to buy the biggest size in a normal people store and let's not lie, it was kinda snug oh noes" sort of way.

Last week, after doing drop off and pick up at preschool and running a bunch of errands in between, I came home to find that my pants?  My maternity pants, by the way, which I haven't stopped wearing since July 2010...had a hole in them.  A big hole.  In the crotch.  And not all hidden and discreet.  More like, HEY EVERYONE I AM CROTCH AND I AM BUSTING OUT!!!  I know that I have a tendency toward hyperbole so please let me prove to you that I am not exaggerating:


HEY EVERYONE I AM CROTCH
AND I AM BUSTING OUT!!!
During our shopping trip yesterday I had to explain to Olivia about mannequins.  Which involved repeating the word mannequin so many times that it sounded wrong.  And then last night I had a dream about that movie where the guy is obsessed with and eventually marries a mannequin.  (Here is the wiki - and the mannequin is played by Kim Cattrall LOL FOREVER.)  True story.

I can't really complain though, can I?  Cute kids, fab husband, a weight problem, and bizarro dreams.  This is 33.  I'll take it.  Maybe when I'm 34 I will be a put together, goal-attaining bad ass.  Or at least manage to wear hole-free clothing at all times.  Maybe.

21 comments:

Paul said...

Happy belated berfday!

Carolyne said...

Didn't you hear? All the cool mothers have slash holes in their attire, and they're not always intentional You will start a trend with this!
Happy belated birthday.

Milla said...

Happy Birthday Jen. And congratulations on the sleep, which we all know is actually rarer (in small child land) than a birthday. Sorry to hear about your pants, sounds like they had a good innings though.

At 34, I am not badass or goal-attaining, I am flailing around. I guess I would give myself points for effort if not attainment. However, you could still make it! x

Roz said...

Thanks for the laugh. Happy Birthday...and I'm laughing WITH YOU..not AT YOU. :)

I too am 33..still working on it all as well!

Cheers!

singlemamalife.com said...

Happy Birthday! I also have walked around town with a giant hole in my pants...in the same spot. Ugh!

Stacie said...

Happy birthday!!! And for the record I am 35 and still trying to stay afloat!!! No worries! Holy jeans are all the rage now btw lol!

areyoukiddingme said...

Happy Birthday! I am 43 and have no goals. I'm OK with it now...

Jennifer said...

I try not to set too many goals myself. It's easier not to fail that way. Happy (belated) Birthday!!!!!!

Ramblings of a Suburban Mom

Amy said...

Happy Birthday!

I, too, sport a hole in my jeans...2 pairs actually. But mine are lower on the inside of my thighs. Oh well...

Debbie said...

I can't resist commenting. I am 36 (almost 37), and still don't have my act together. After becoming a mostly SAHM 4 years ago, I feel like I am just starting to get it kind of together. Rock on, sista!

Leah said...

Happy birthday!I'm 37 and just starting to feel like a grown up. I will never ever have it all together though. It's just not going to happen.

Candice said...

Oh no, too funny!

Candice said...

Happy birthday!!:-)

Kristy said...

Happy Birthday. Here is my gift to you: Phentermine. Not only will your appetite go away but you'll be able to function on 6 hours of sleep. Seriously. Ask your primary care doctor about it. As long as you don't have any current BP problems, you can probably take it safely for up to 6 months.

T said...

Happy Birthday! I'm 37 and in no way have it together. But, I'm beginning to accept that, so that's a step in the right direction, no?!

I'm trying to lose some weight after having a horrible dream that I had Honey Boo Boo's mother's chin when I looked in the mirror. While my case isn't quite that bad, it was a nice prompt to persuade me to cut some calories. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app for my phone, set a weight goal and enter the foods I eat. Most foods are pre-programmed in and the program tracks my calories for me. I have lost a few pounds over the past couple weeks, and if nothing else, it usually makes me think twice about my food choices. Just a thought for when you are ready!

Laura B said...

Happy birthday! I've been reading your blog for years now, and you've always inspired me. Best wishes, Laura

Mrs. Higrens said...

Happy Belated to you! I think your best present was 13 hours of sleep. I am seriously jealous!

At 36 it's taken over 2.5 years of being mostly SAHM to feel like I'm 90% together about 10% of the time. But the no goals thing? I'm fabulous with that!

Steph said...

Happy birthday! I'm 33 as well. So far, I'm still the same old mess, just with a kid. Maybe 34 will magically make me all adult and stuff.

~*Amanda~* said...

Yeah....so here's the thing....No one actually *feels* put together. They may just look it. Fake it till you make it and all of that. I'll be 33 in June and feel like I'm 14 most of the time despite having a toddler and one baking, a husband and a job ;)

As far as kids go-my newly turned 3 year old is attituding me to death too. I can commiserate. Good thing they are so damn cute.

Sandy said...

Happy Birthday, Jen! The bad news is that I'm 41 and still don't feel like I have my act together. The good news is, the older you get the less you care, lol.

Lauralei said...

Jen, long time reader and had to tell you how inspirational you are. I have a 4 year old, a failing marriage, failing career as active duty Coast Guard, and other terrible drama. Through everything your family has been through you have never lost faith. I know at times I have, and then I read your blog and it gives me back the faith I have lost. Thank you for what you do.
Also, I clicked on the 'Next Blog' at the top of the page,expecting another heart warming blog, it brought me to...... TV Anchor Babes. My faith in humanity has been restored!