tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70128743641786938672012-02-10T15:20:39.091-05:00Adventures in Infertility and Moron Management. <br> And Pregnancy! <br> And Motherhood!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.comBlogger3781100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-8104262021332244882012-02-05T22:25:00.000-05:002012-02-05T22:25:44.816-05:00

The winner of the Sock Monkey Hat giveaway is...Parker and Lauren's Mom!!  Parker and Lauren's Mom...you've got mail!! Thanks to everyone who entered, and to Krystal for offering up one of her hats for my readers. (I don't know if I am supposed to explain how I got the winner.  But.  I counted up all the comments, deleted duplicates/people who forgot to leave their email on their first comment,

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-2110614175346186452012-02-05T12:20:00.000-05:002012-02-05T12:20:08.406-05:00

If you ask Mark, he would call this recipe #2 like poo. I, however, loved it.  There haven't been very many things we've tried that we've been split on.  We both usually love it or don't, unless it's something that we knew Mark wouldn't like because he has the palate of a 7 year old. Me: The chicken I made for dinner tonight is bahhhhhhhmmmm! Him: what's in it? Me: I don't wanna tell you.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-34670049866634286582012-02-01T07:11:00.001-05:002012-02-05T18:59:00.904-05:00

My friend Krystal has been selling handmade hats for a while now. After commenting "LOVE!!" on no less than 7,420 of her pictures on Facebook, I decided that maybe I should ask Krystal if she would like to do a giveaway to you guys. She said yes! Her Facebook fan page is full of adorable pictures of hats that threaten to break my wallet into tiny sad little pieces. You guys, I own four of her

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com191tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-16257130376948738602012-01-31T12:52:00.001-05:002012-01-31T13:04:07.293-05:00

People ask this question a lot. I post here about Ainsley a bit and I put a lot of pictures on facebook of this fat, smiling (with four teeth!!!!), adorable, happy baby. And she looks pretty great. And she is pretty great. Usually. Sometimes. When things are good with Ainsley, they are great. But when things are bad with Ainsley, they can be downright terrifying. It feels like there is no

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-4200564723881509552012-01-26T14:06:00.001-05:002012-01-26T14:06:08.631-05:00

Olivia was sick. 106 degree fever sick. Bad ear infection. On the mend. Ainsley is...sick? I mean, she is technically always sick considering that her lungs suck ass (instead of air) and she needs a machine to breathe for her. But she has been doing some scary, purple-turning stuff. It might be a virus or infection but It might be her pulmonary hypertension getting worse and that is just

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-51568204865811159732012-01-19T15:45:00.000-05:002012-01-19T15:45:31.595-05:00

Recipe #1 for the year was a success, so if I fail at all of my other resolutions (probable) then I can still be all smug. Yeah, well I made that recipe on January 17 and it was good to suck on that 2012! Here is the recipe, which I got from this blog.  I took a picture of mine but it looks gross so click over and take a look at her picture. Crispy Cheddar Chicken Time: 15 minute prep + 35

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-80188267891498447782012-01-17T11:13:00.001-05:002012-01-17T11:16:11.153-05:00

This morning I got stuck on an elevator with a lady who I shall forever call Douche Canoe. It was my own fault, really. I was in the elevator and saw her coming and held the door until she got there. Now let me tell you why I am usually not nice like that. Douche Canoe: when's that baby due? Jennepper: oh, June... Douche Canoe: you got twins in there? (ha. Haha. Muahahaha!) Jennepper: *

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-69224672012441654402012-01-11T11:34:00.001-05:002012-01-11T11:37:13.861-05:00

YOU WERE WRONG!!! It's a teeny tiny vageenie, situated on a perfectly healthy little lady. Hello little girl! You have no idea what you're getting into...

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-60065107109423269752012-01-10T12:03:00.001-05:002012-01-10T12:11:23.661-05:00

Tomorrow is the day that I will obtain the first photo of my fourth child's genitals. Hopefully it will be the only photo of said genitals to ever exist. One can only hope that I am not Gestating the next Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Grady Sizemore/R Kelly. Tomorrow I will know if, in my ute, there is a teeny tiny peenie or a teeny tiny vageenie. It is all very exciting except when it is all

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-37051596083458496032012-01-09T12:47:00.001-05:002012-01-09T13:09:40.933-05:00

At times I enjoy wildly inappropriate music. I've been listening to two wildly inappropriate stations on Pandora: Mystikal and Nelly. I like those stations because they play 10 year old hip hop songs that remind me of my bar hopping/being ass wrangled college days. (I mean, you simply have not lived until you have been dry humped from behind in a bar so crowded you were unable to move.)

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-39454933893553147382012-01-07T14:09:00.003-05:002012-01-12T13:02:52.786-05:00

I distinctly remember hearing about a kid having his first birthday in the NICU.  We were NICU newbies at the time.  We had been there four months but felt like veterans at that point.  "Oh, how awful to be here a year...I can.not.imagine."  That kid ended up being our neighbor, and he left last month when he was about 20 months old. Ainsley is one. She turned one over a week ago, actually, and

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-84780887584630408032012-01-03T22:32:00.000-05:002012-01-03T22:32:13.583-05:00

So it is January 3... on a scale of 1 to Claw Your Eyes Out, how sick are you of hearing everyone's resolutions?  Oh, you're about at Roll Your Eyes and Flip Off Your Computer?  I get that a lot anyway so I'll just tell you my resolutions like one of those annoying people who doesn't pick up on your hint that you do not care about whatever they are saying. 1. Blog at least twice per week. Isn't

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-54032746861826990252011-12-25T21:50:00.000-05:002011-12-25T21:50:25.850-05:00

Merry Christmas! Jen, Ainsley, Olivia, and Mark

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-73731385378442117132011-12-22T12:07:00.001-05:002011-12-22T22:31:44.079-05:00

And some lazy whores haven't posted a single time this fine month of December. Things are good. Busy but no more than usual. At the end of November Ainsley hit a weird rough patch and had to go back on the hospital vent. I don't know if we are clear on what the issue was but maaaaybe her pulmonary hypertension was getting worse? So she's on Viagra now and who knows if it is helping but she

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-77302966439522873962011-11-27T13:29:00.000-05:002011-11-27T13:29:47.173-05:00

Olivia has been carrying around this Fisher Price toy booklet that we got in the mail and pointing out all of the things that Santa is going to bring to her. I NEED MINNIE MOUSE! (Actually, she was chatting Santa up about the tree behind them and totally forgot to ask for Minnie.  After she came back to us, she yelled over, "I NEED MINNIE!") There is a picture in that book that she doesn't

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-70969399700886301382011-11-23T16:02:00.000-05:002011-11-23T16:02:41.939-05:00

At my last OB appointment after I had the twins, my doctor said to me, "and remember, little accidents make little people." And I had a smug little belly laugh over that because really, if anyone is going to get pregnant without stone cold science? Well, it isn't me, silly doctor! I prefer the word "surprise" over "accident."  There is about to be a New Knepper, around June 5.  Please see

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com189tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-78711292192772838802011-11-22T16:33:00.000-05:002011-11-22T16:33:07.862-05:00

Tomorrow is a big day for us.  We will officially have two, paid-off cars.  As in, no car payments. I can't remember exactly when I listened to Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.  Last summer, maybe?  In 2010?  A friend of mine went to the class and spoke so highly of the program, that when she offered to let me borrow her FPU CDs I took her up on it. I've always been good with money. 

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-69690198867669685662011-11-21T12:04:00.001-05:002011-11-22T15:19:00.632-05:00

Last night, I had a 30 minute fight with Olivia, about chips. And by fight I mean, she was yelling "CHIPS!" and I was trying to calmly explain that she had to "eat regular dinner before she has a treat like chips" and she waited until the exact second I stopped talking to again yell, "CHIPS!" Everyone knows the whole terrible twos thing, but I don't know why that's so popular because everyone I

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-304521596648170592011-11-19T23:06:00.000-05:002011-11-19T23:06:10.459-05:00

Variations of these two questions pop up in my comments or in my email a lot. 1. To get really nosey, I'd like to know how you're handling your job and your marriage with all the stress that you've had. With one healthy two-year-old I can barely hold it together most days. 2. I'm wondering how you are doing about Evelyn - have you been able to process everything; how Olivia is doing and feels

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-16941977301986733322011-11-18T15:15:00.001-05:002011-11-18T15:15:26.961-05:00

I'm going to see Breaking Dawn tonight and I am freaking excited about it. I'm probably going to eat an entire box of candy without a beverage so that I don't miss any sparkly vampire goodness going to the restroom. (I'm trying out the word restroom. I always say bathroom, but that only makes sense if you can take a bath in the room, and since I'm not homeless I don't bathe in public restrooms

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-47163605990212735152011-11-16T21:20:00.007-05:002011-11-16T21:26:04.411-05:00

I'm sure you'd all be very surprised to hear that it is 8:45 p.m. and I still don't have a mind-blowing topic to write about today. I'm sitting here streaming Walking Dead on Netflix and just generally vegging out with my computer open to Blogger.  So then I'm all, "maybe I'll Google zombie apocalypse" because that seems like a really fantastic way to come up with blogging ideas. Turns out,

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-24221617542374069282011-11-15T21:47:00.001-05:002011-11-15T21:51:25.490-05:00

I am too busy to write today. It is crisis critical that I reread Breaking Dawn before I go see the movie Friday night. Priorities, ya know? I made a dinner tonight that was so good I was tempted to eat it all myself and feed Mark leftover pizza. I set my coolness level back at least 10 years by texting Mark, "this dinner I made is BOMB!" So here is a delicious recipe courtesy of my friend

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-23259150415751161432011-11-14T22:31:00.000-05:002011-11-14T22:31:44.791-05:00

It's been too long since I've done a Google Search Terms post.  If you're not familiar, these are phrases that people searched which resulted in a visit to mah blog.  It's always fun.  If it's a question I usually try to answer.  Like this: Does the size of a girl's lips determine the size of her vagina lips? No, but when she puts on lipstick?  Her vagina lips turn the exact.same.color.  It's

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-34001432514893824612011-11-13T21:40:00.002-05:002011-11-13T21:40:39.811-05:00

There was a lady walking around the NICU telling people that there was a March of Dimes free dinner upstairs for NICU parents.  I got the impression that there wasn't anyone there, and Ainsley was asleep, and I love eating.  WIN! So I went.  And then I remembered why I don't go to March of Dimes things. You know how it's so nice to talk with people who get what is going on with you?  Like, I

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-47275922360677606942011-11-12T22:42:00.000-05:002011-11-12T22:42:28.289-05:00

Mature NICU Parent: Oh! What a great reason to gather together and watch the videos we must watch prior to going home. Me: EW! I do not want to watch a video about popcorn and discharge. And I swear, there is a Popcorn and Discharge Video Watch Party like every 3 weeks.  I have about 4 pictures of this sign with various backgrounds and dates.  This patriotic Popcorn and Discharge sign is my

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-12434651688933229202011-11-11T21:44:00.000-05:002011-11-11T21:44:52.047-05:00

The second I sent the email in which I agreed to tape a video of myself talking about sperm, I immediately wanted to punch myself in the face.  Not because I'm embarrassed to talk about sperm or my reproductive debacles or whatever, but because the sound of my own voice is simply horrifying.  Redbook Magazine has  a whole Truth About Trying campaign on their website now, and there are all kinds

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-14823263739204768282011-11-10T18:09:00.001-05:002011-11-10T21:44:59.491-05:00

I'm feeling a bit under the weather today so I'm going to cheat and picture post tonight. Ainsley is on day 3 of a portable vent. Maybe I'll talk more about it later, but the point is: YAYSKEEEE! Olivia is almost three and has figured out that she can earn things she wants. Namely, candy or chocolate dipped granola bars. Last night she was doing the dishes so I would give her candy. Also, I

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-13001468655839777472011-11-09T19:36:00.003-05:002011-11-09T19:39:03.441-05:00

Someone, who apologized for being nosy, asked me to talk about what is actually wrong with Ainsley.  Which, LOLsies!  I talk about my vagina on the Internet and so talking about what is wrong with my kid is like singing the alphabet or reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.  Why yes!  It would be my pleasure to impress you with the magnitude of my attention whoring! In short: Ainsley's lungs are

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-74605175524862368772011-11-08T21:45:00.002-05:002011-11-09T11:16:43.530-05:00

I'm exhausted. Not like, tired but should feel better after a good night's rest, tired. Like, so tired that I can't imagine staying awake for the next half hour, tired. My brain is running slow and my eyes are squinty. Part of the squint eye is caused by my staggering 40 pound weight gain in the past year and a glad, but a solid 25 percent can be blamed on The Tired. Coffee doesn't help which

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-69785387231784738382011-11-07T18:47:00.003-05:002011-11-07T18:50:07.323-05:00

Ainsley, A couple days old.   One of her leads takes up the entire left side of her chest. And Ainsley, back in September at about 9 months old.  One lead can't even contain a portion of her side-boob.  Ainsley, yesterday.  And for the record: No, you may not nibble on this baby.  Because I am a baby nibble hog and am not willing to share the NOMs.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-79038155228420726972011-11-06T21:15:00.056-05:002011-11-06T22:09:29.677-05:00

At the beginning of October, we had an audit at work. Which was awesome and fun and at the end of the week we all went out to lunch to celebrate its end.  The restaurant was across the street from a Famous-Around-Akron sign that caused the following conversation to happen: Auditor: Wow, that dentist is torturing that patient! Me: No, he's totally doin' her! Your teeth will be clean, But

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-54495634774193575192011-11-05T16:46:00.000-04:002011-11-05T16:46:53.130-04:00

I just signed up for the November National Blog Posting Month - to write a blog post every day for the month of November.  This is hilarious, as I wrote one post in October.  Unless you count a picture post with a caption as a post, in which case I posted twice. I'm under a lot of stress (captain obvious reporting for duty, sans cape) but it's really kind of covert stress.  Like, I'm OK if all I

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-41161044720807889892011-10-30T21:17:00.000-04:002011-10-30T21:17:52.069-04:00

From me, my ridiculous cleavage, Ainsley, Mark, and Olivia.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-4173792961042095592011-10-09T09:11:00.001-04:002011-10-09T09:14:36.833-04:00

So much time has passed since I gave an actual, real update.  Ainsley is so great right now.  She's doing so many impressive things developmentally that it's hard to believe that at some point she suffered a stroke.  Strokes are funny. A few weeks/months/years (who knows, I have no concept of time) ago, Ainsley was being put on a home vent portable vent.*  The doctor decided that all loose

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-39549703977750672502011-09-23T13:02:00.000-04:002011-09-23T13:02:00.866-04:00

Our friend Felicia came to take photos of us in the NICU to put on display at the Just Relax benefit.  Hard to believe this was already over 2 months ago! We decided right away to not really change anything in the room. Because why try to pretend we are somewhere else? This is our life right now, and it won't be this way forever. It's hard sometimes but that doesn't mean I don't want to remember

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-10342472225521790042011-09-18T18:05:00.001-04:002011-09-19T09:49:37.617-04:00

Mark: Are you going to write a blog post again, ever. Jen: Ohmahgah I know, I really need to. Every time I think about it I get a brain block. Mark: Yeah, I'm sure you're not feeling very creative. With everything going on... Jen: Exactly! I'm so tired... Mark: Write a blog about that! Jen: About being tired? Mark: That, and not feeling very creative. Jen: it could go something like

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-55356354617314510612011-09-03T13:53:00.000-04:002011-09-03T13:53:05.718-04:00

I really hate small talk and avoid it at all costs.  I've been known to head dive directly into a poison ivy patch or a pile of used hypodermic needles just to avoid an awkward conversation with someone I barely know or haven't seen for years.  It's all, oh hello, I swear I care very deeply about your life, let's engage in small talk for an amount of time that we will both find painfully long

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-41212472420885861662011-08-19T09:15:00.000-04:002011-08-19T09:15:22.509-04:00

I bet you read this title and thought, oh great.  She's pregnant.  HA!  You are wrong.  Let me just start by saying that I won't end this post with the picture of a positive pregnancy test.  We weren't relaxing THAT much. Anyway. The morning of the Just Relax party, we saw a teaser photo posted on Facebook by one of the people responsible for all of this wonderful madness.  You guys?  This

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-51948089026611122552011-08-09T19:32:00.000-04:002011-08-09T19:32:50.277-04:00

I am so.far.behind. on blogging and promise a recap of the Just Relax event very soon. But first, I am passing along some information about Books for Daniel. I didn't know Daniel or his parents, but I heard his story from a friend of mine who is a friend of theirs.  Daniel's mom was lucky enough to be involved with a mom's group who organized this initiative to honor the memory of Daniel Metz.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-42959752951374384602011-07-21T22:05:00.000-04:002011-07-21T22:05:20.770-04:00

This baybee?  Trying a home vent.  Not minding it too much, either.  Not minding it at all so far actually.  Oh, hai. Bad lungs are hilarious. Let's hope there isn't soul-crushing disappointment right around the corner.  That's kind of her M.O.  

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-4529375069752269442011-07-18T12:34:00.000-04:002011-07-18T12:34:06.471-04:00

The ladies in charge have asked me to share this on my blog...it's the online silent auction portion of the truly amazing party that is happening on Saturday. Click here for Just Relax, Online! Tickets for the party are almost sold out - last I heard there were only eight left. Pretty unbelievable! As for updates, things are beautifully status quo. Ainsley is bouncing back from the nissen

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-62112242119508827402011-07-11T06:53:00.000-04:002011-07-11T06:53:27.389-04:00

Things sort of turned around last week.  Ainsley was still feeling a bit shitty and spitting up a lot, and we ended up getting the Nissen (fundoplication because I like to sound brilliant and fancy).  (And when I like to sound brilliant and fancy I make sure that I use a reference link from Wikipedia.) (Because nothing says "I have smarts" like Wikipedia.) The Nissen was Friday and Ainsley

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-14353316677736338292011-06-24T20:56:00.000-04:002011-06-24T20:56:20.568-04:00

Nothing says, "you look nice today" like someone assuming that your pregnant when you're not. I've been accused of gestation twice in the past month. The first time I was meeting with a client and he asked me when my baby was due. Luckily I didn't really follow what he was saying - I thought he was asking when I had my baby because I was pretty sure that he knew I was out on maternity leave. 

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-2962129693262418512011-06-24T06:59:00.009-04:002011-06-24T07:03:05.330-04:00

Tuesday night, we got a call at 1:30 from Ainsley's doctor because they felt that she was not stable. We think she aspirated at some point and her right lung was almost completely collapsed (or something...I may be off on the terminology) plus her pneumonia was still there. Her oxygen saturations were low and she was struggling even on 100% oxygen. She is normally at room air, which is 21%.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-77106177138406816102011-06-16T06:23:00.000-04:002011-06-16T06:23:03.737-04:00

I started this post last week and never had a chance to publish.  So, here you go - a week later and I still feel like I have a stress hangover... Tuesday night I was up sick all night.  Barfy sick.  I woke up just long enough to call off work and hand Olivia over to gramma and papa before I slept until 4 p.m. Oh, yes.  And also?  I called and found out that Ainsley had pneumonia. Thursday I

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com81tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-17989396622810353002011-06-07T21:00:00.006-04:002011-06-07T21:03:39.672-04:00

I am thoroughly amused by people who are loud in the NICU.  And by thoroughly amused I mean that I hate them. I'm not sure if you knew this but in the NICU?  The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit?  The IC stands for Intensive Care.  As in, these babies are sick and shit so, ya know, be quiet you giant freaking idiot. We get new neighbors all.the.time.  We've been NICU residents for 160 (!!!!) days

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-62763503633125883802011-05-13T18:09:00.001-04:002011-05-13T18:10:46.069-04:00

"Don't say no - I'm already in planning mode." That's what my friend Andrea said when she first told me about the fundraiser event that she is helping to organize for us. Because she knew I'd say no. I've been lucky enough to find myself surrounded with people who are very kind. We've received meals and gifts and messages and just so much support and sometimes I wonder what we did to earn

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-84910698670551608422011-05-07T09:10:00.010-04:002011-05-07T09:15:46.987-04:00

Picture post.  Because that's all I have time for.  I'm busy right now watching Yo Gabba Gabba with Ms. Olivia "Never Stops Chatting" Knepper. Last picture without a trach. First picture with a trach. The scratches on her cheek are from the tape that had to be removed and reapplied to hold the cannula to her face. No wonder she was completely pissed off. Rough night the following day.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-64740621963902489852011-04-30T09:58:00.000-04:002011-04-30T09:58:11.396-04:00

Click here to see who won!

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-45312168565860969502011-04-24T14:49:00.001-04:002011-04-24T14:52:03.582-04:00

Sometimes it blows my mind...keep getting stuck here all the time. Yes, that's right.  I've gotten to the point where I need to steal Stone Temple Pilots lyrics and use them to write my crappy blog.  It's not going to get better any time soon.  We're going to be doing this NICU thing for a while. The spinal stenosis surgery went well.  She was clearly in pain before the surgery, and she

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com82tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-45093956638822047192011-04-13T20:39:00.000-04:002011-04-13T20:39:59.004-04:00

...and enter to win. http://jenneppereview.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-have-seventeen-pizzas-in-my-pants.html It's been a crazy week and I haven't had much time for Internetting. For all I know, it's turned into complete anarchy over there.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-58327856767430711792011-04-06T21:27:00.001-04:002011-04-06T21:31:00.081-04:00

I was tempted to title this post "I've got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one." But I don't like to do my cussing in my titles because cussing is classy and should be saved for the meaningful body of the post. That, and I do most of my cussing on Facebook. And I don't sound cool like Jay-Z. Ainsley is 99 days old today. Or, day of life 99 as they say at the beginning of rounds. Which I

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-38687462354703724612011-04-06T20:31:00.001-04:002011-04-06T20:31:58.493-04:00

...I need your tips, and you need to win! Click and comment to win my Slim-Fast giveaway!

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-18137747605473046512011-03-28T13:00:00.003-04:002011-03-28T13:00:06.114-04:00

Click here to go on over to my crusty, barely used review blog to see...

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-43164020064736053702011-03-28T06:30:00.002-04:002011-03-28T06:33:16.759-04:00

It's been an eventful weekend and so I'll give you a quickie update. Ainsley went back on Oxygen on the 21st, Vapotherm on the 23rd, and the ventilator on Thursday night, the 24th. It was a constant struggle to breathe for her, and she wasn't even breathing properly on the vent. SO...she went to surgery on Friday, the 25th, to be intubated with a larger tube. It seems to have helped. That, and

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-42004821870631503402011-03-19T08:34:00.000-04:002011-03-19T08:34:01.959-04:00

Yesterday?  We got our first whiff of homespeak.  Ainsley is off of vapotherm.  See? HAI!  I'm learning to breathe and eat, and I'm wide awake at 6 a.m. Shouldn't you be doing something more productive than reading blogs? Lazy whores.  All of you. So here is where she is at with the whole going home checklist: 1. Off Vapotherm/Normal Breathing  : Donesky-ish! 2. Maintain Temperature in Open

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-64380546489087775522011-03-10T20:19:00.001-05:002011-03-10T20:19:00.327-05:00

Little girl in a big crib. Like fat guy in a little coat, only smaller and less funny.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-4892836501036496742011-03-09T20:19:00.000-05:002011-03-09T20:19:01.400-05:00

My first full week of work went by in a total blur.  And the only thing that I know for sure is that I'm doing a million things right but I'm not doing any of them well.  Work...mom...wife...citizen...life in general...suck at them all. (Unless you have anything to do with my employment status or the amount of my paycheck, in which case I am, in fact, doing a million things and I am totally

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-55979732894396350462011-02-26T10:37:00.000-05:002011-02-26T10:37:36.164-05:00

At the end of January, the thing that kept me going was thinking, "surely, by the end of February, Ainsley will be home."  Because the canned answer around here about going home is, "right around their due date."  Not that I've ever asked.  I'm afraid to hear their answer. Now I don't really know what to fool myself with to get through March.  Because I have no idea when this little drama nugget

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com58tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-34058140729015730342011-02-22T22:31:00.001-05:002011-02-22T22:33:14.768-05:00

Two has had some pretty major significance in our lives this past year.  Two embryos.  Two babies in my belly.  Two girls.  Two days of steroid shots.  Thirty two weeks.  Now, just two daughters instead of three.  And now?  I have a TWO YEAR OLD!  Yay!  I'm two and got two thousand presents! We had a pretty huge birthday party for Olivia last weekend.  There were 20 kids and 20+ adults,

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-6784666561706797112011-02-12T21:17:00.000-05:002011-02-12T21:17:15.034-05:00

Because every time someone asks me how Ainsley is doing, I have to say, "she's still on the vent, and they are trying to wean her off."  It totally sounds like I'm saying, "she's still on the vent, and they are trying to wiener off." And then I wonder...do they want to laugh because I kind of said wiener?  Should I point it out?  Or is this person not into wiener jokes...? I can't handle this

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-35497999379908040582011-02-11T22:52:00.000-05:002011-02-11T22:52:24.567-05:00

Monday was, like, one of the most ridiculous days ever.* I kept thinking over and over about this blog post on Hyperbole and a Half - The Sneaky Hate Spiral.  Naturally, I have experienced the Sneaky Hate Spiral...a lot.  I don't want to say daily, but close to that. Anyway, on Monday I experienced a variant of The Sneaky Hate Spiral.  It was similar, but was more of a Sneaky Woe Spiral. My

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-38369619685642307652011-02-07T11:37:00.000-05:002011-02-07T11:37:36.998-05:00

Ainsley did very well in surgery. She's back in the NICU resting and enjoying her morphine. Fingers crossed for a boring recovery!

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com56tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-84474022151991957172011-02-06T18:43:00.000-05:002011-02-06T18:43:35.316-05:00

Ainsley has this. Every baby has this, actually, but it usually heals shortly after they are born. But since she is a drama queen was early, hers isn't healing.  Everyone is pretty sure that's why she really isn't making any progress.  She breathes way too fast and doesn't get enough oxygen without help from vapotherm. So, she's going to have surgery. I'm really nervous for her.  She's so

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com68tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-32207751068934118522011-02-04T14:59:00.000-05:002011-02-04T14:59:19.718-05:00

Oh hey!  I'm not sure you knew that I was moonlighting as a dairy cow.  Did you?  Well, I was.   As in: Not Anymore The End. I should rename this post Titty Quitter 2.0. I tried.  Oh...did I try.  Pumpity pump pump; pumpity pump pump.  Up through the night to make the milk.  Moo.  Etc.  I have a freezer full of milk to prove it.  I have a $70/month bill for a hospital grade titty sucker to

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-304249750838636572011-01-27T12:10:00.000-05:002011-01-27T12:10:07.957-05:00

That, and Spanx.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-36046706694929592282011-01-26T22:01:00.002-05:002011-01-26T22:12:07.978-05:00

Bah. I got all smug with my good little itty bitty baybee updates - which you pretty much know nothing about since I suck at blogging - but it turns out that the smallest bump in the road is like a giant crater when I'm constantly operating at the brink of Mah Shit: About to be Lost. Today I lost my damned mind (again) while visiting Ainsley and so I've felt like crap all day and have been

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com76tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-17991675769776818702011-01-20T06:56:00.001-05:002011-01-20T06:57:34.795-05:00

I was at the doctor right before I was admitted to the hospital due to my Uterus of Doom and Other Unforseen Tragedy, Etc. So I had to weigh myself. And I weighed...a lot. I gained a solid 50 pounds and officially outweighed my husband at 31 weeks and while I had no stretch marks*, all signs were pointing to Very Puffy Up In Here, Word to Your Mother. My legs and ankles were the worst.  The were

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com69tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-28719717180502539832011-01-07T22:57:00.001-05:002011-01-07T22:58:01.315-05:00

Evelyn Cecille KnepperDecember 29, 20108:07 p.m.3 Pounds, 2 Ounces15 Inches Evelyn was the baby that nobody worried about.  She was always bigger, she was always stronger, she always looked perfectly healthy.  It breaks my heart a little that we spent all our time worrying about her sister when maybe she was the one who needed help all along.  At our nonstress test, the day before we lost

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com119tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-62868171012451910762011-01-06T20:37:00.000-05:002011-01-06T20:37:09.327-05:00

It's been a week since Evelyn and Ainsley were born. There have been a few bad days, a few good days, and a few good days with bad moments. Overall, I think we are doing well. Or as well as we can, which, what else can you do? Actually, I know what else you can do. You can watch this video and then look me in the eye and tell me you didn't smile. Tuesday was a bad day. We waited until the

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com118tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-11304767502093586502011-01-04T07:54:00.000-05:002011-01-04T07:54:32.145-05:00

I don't even know where to begin to tell this story. The ending sucks, and who likes to read a story when you know that the ending sucks? But I feel like it should be written, because it's Evelyn's story, and it's Ainsley's story, and so I'm going to get it out there and someday hope that I can come back and read it without feeling like my insides are being torn apart.  I'm literally going to

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com268tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-88680337600960847692010-12-30T00:32:00.003-05:002010-12-30T00:34:32.926-05:00

They were born tonight. Ainsley is at Children's Hospital holding her own. She is tiny but is stable. Evelyn is here with us, for now. We lost her some time this evening. We are loving her now while we can. All this time, we had no worries about our Hog Baby. This is unreal.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com604tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-24744062060083123302010-12-29T08:22:00.001-05:002010-12-29T08:24:17.694-05:00

...hello twinny twin twins! I wish I could upload a picture of my swollen face from my phone. You guys? It's epic. I don't know if it's the steroids or the preeclampsia or some side effect of disgusting hospital food, but my face is YOUGE! And feels like it's stuffed full of cotton. I sent it to a friend, and her husband called me Jabba the Hut. And I mean seriously, I laughed my ass off

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com86tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-90315912871166018042010-12-28T12:37:00.001-05:002010-12-28T12:40:21.264-05:00

Updating is pointless, but I'm by myself with nothing but an iPhone and wifi soo hey hey hey, Internet!!!! So my blood pressures and labs were all Rockstarish. Rockstarish, like, normal. As opposed to: full of vodka and traces of rhino tranquilizers. Why don't I just say they were normal? Because I'm a dick, that's why. The doctor was all, let's look at your 24 hour urine and get you the

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-71550318413327037102010-12-28T05:18:00.001-05:002010-12-28T05:26:07.648-05:00

7 hours since my first steroid shot. I am disappointed to report that my biceps are no larger (but they do have an amazing amount of cellulite, which I officially declare to be the new black!) and I have not grown a full beard. I am speaking in a man voice, but only because I've been awake since 3 a.m. And am running out of ways to amuse myself while sitting in bed tied to a bunch of monitors

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-30413448777777311722010-12-27T15:40:00.000-05:002010-12-27T15:40:56.162-05:00

Blood pressure: 158/104 Protein: All up in my pee Pitting Edema: indeedy In the hospital for monitoring. I put my gown on backwards and almost had an inappropriate nudity situation. One of my ribs is popped out and the prospect of narcotics is making me hot and bothered. I have to pee in a jug. Should be getting steroids soon to help develop the babies lungs. You know, FOR DELIVERY THIS

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-90808430132354491432010-12-24T12:30:00.006-05:002010-12-24T12:39:38.192-05:00

Merry...whatever you celebrate! We are staying home and eating food and enjoying the calm before the inevitable storm. Elegant Damask Noir Christmas CardTurn your unique photos into Christmas cards with Shutterfly.View the entire collection of cards.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-65070081542866715032010-12-16T08:15:00.000-05:002010-12-16T08:15:29.296-05:00

I had really good intentions of  updating right after my appointment on Monday.  Like, really good ones.  It was a blizzard (we got, I think, 10 inches of snow, on top of the 12+ inches we got last weekend) and so I figured I'd use that as a great excuse to curl up with a warm beverage and my laptop and just update the shit out of my blog. Heh. I was worried about our tiny twin.  This always

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-68057548653575948632010-12-08T15:16:00.000-05:002010-12-08T15:16:30.481-05:00

With Relief... We had our appointment on Monday...like, more than a week ago.  It's too confusing to refer to Twin A and Twin B, because they move all around in there and it's never really the same - so we call them Big Twin (or, as my doctor says, Hog Baby) and Little Twin. Big twin is...a hog.  No, really.  The doctor called her the Hog Baby, which is one of the many reasons I love him -

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com62tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-88262313313711380072010-11-18T13:44:00.000-05:002010-11-18T13:44:33.486-05:00

This is getting ridiculous. I don't need shit from people, at all. This blog is not about infertility - it is about my life. If you aren't in a place to read a blog written by someone who is pregnant then DON'T!

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com116tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-16828618204556588902010-11-15T21:07:00.000-05:002010-11-15T21:07:02.126-05:00

The soap opera that is This Pregnancy: It Continues. (How about the word opera? I always want to spell it oprah. Am dumbass.) Alternate Post titles: All My Multi-Sized Children (Sum iz beeg, sum iz smallz) As My Stomach Turns (Because I had to stop my ultrasound three times to dry heave) The Infertile and the Greedy (because one baby isn't enough) Passions (I can't use this. They didn't check

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com80tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-711843336022131702010-11-10T19:56:00.000-05:002010-11-10T19:56:17.320-05:00

In between me being pissed off at...everyone, apparently.  Let me show you it. Olivia went to Boo at the Zoo.  She loved it but refused to look at the camera so that I could record her happiness.  Way to ruin memories Olivia GOD!  Totally NOMable Cupcake.  At the zoo, Olivia discovered an undying love and devotion to the Oatmeal Cream Pie. She shoved it into her face by the fistfull,

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-42103064603604179912010-11-05T19:56:00.000-04:002010-11-05T19:56:49.461-04:00

Please, sit down. Even better: pull down your pants and sit on the toilet in preparation to drop the most spectacular deuce that has ever been dropped. Apparently? When a woman is pregnant with twins? Her abdomen? It gets really fucking big. Like, really big. YOUGE even. I know from experience that this is a very shocking concept for people to handle. Yes, it is a matter of fact.  Women

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-3361734562765211152010-10-25T19:29:00.001-04:002010-10-25T19:30:26.697-04:00

Little Drama Queen Twin A is most definitely grounded.  I'm thinking until age 30.  That's reasonable, no? Twin B seems to be like Mark, as in I Go With The Flow, Word To Your Mother But Only If You Feel Like It, Also More Candy Plz, Etc. Twin A seems to be like Jennepper: Look at me! Look at me!  Look at meeeeeee!  I'm sure that she will start a blog immediately at birth that will be all, "

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-65766535806700049542010-10-15T19:55:00.000-04:002010-10-15T19:55:42.480-04:00

This is the sign in the waiting room of the Maternal Fetal Medicine office.  You go through the same set of double doors if you are hugely pregnant and full of the speshul problems or if you have a rare cross-breed of malaria and syphilis. I mean, it's pretty much impossible to come out of the office without thinking: OK, which ones of you sonzabitches is infectious? Thank you for all of your

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-21503547925619754182010-10-13T06:31:00.001-04:002010-10-13T06:33:36.952-04:00

Thursday, 10/7: My fun taco or sausage appointment took a turn for the not-so-fun when the doctor had to come help the ultrasound tech scan Twin A's brain.  And then they Found Something Questionable and also I Will See The MFM Afterall. And after being at the OB for nearly two hours, losing my shit for the last 20 minutes, and looking like a complete and total pistachio?  All I wanted to do was

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com69tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-5354198307777798222010-10-12T06:58:00.000-04:002010-10-12T06:58:46.549-04:00

Well, that's not entirely true.  There is Mark, afterall.  And we have two boy dogs. Other than that it's a TACO PARTAY UP IN HERE! Yes, two girls.  And they are bringing the drama already.  It's like the teen years are playing out in my uterus right this very second.  We're already seeing specialists and everything.  I'll post a proper update, when I have time to document the drama, but for

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-12276169242137750482010-10-05T07:00:00.001-04:002010-10-07T06:19:54.922-04:00

I haven't returned emails from blog friends since...July? August? I have no idea. Let's make a choose your own adventure out of this: if you are tired of my excuses, read The Short Of It; if you are tired of my excuses but want to read my less-than-compelling story about my inability to manage technology, read The Long of it. The Short of It: I'm a dick, probably. The Long of It: Hotmail was

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-43266566461379243762010-09-28T20:55:00.000-04:002010-09-28T20:55:24.518-04:00

It is my belief that these babies are eating my brains to stay alive.  I pointed this out to someone (my boss) at work today, and he thinks that I'm probably carrying Renesmee-like, half vampire half human fetuses.  It really makes sense if you think about it.  And if you read the Twilight series. I did clarify that it counts as a C-Section.  You know, if these babies gnaw their way out of

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-14469940472968405262010-09-25T13:55:00.000-04:002010-09-25T13:55:48.590-04:00

Olivia is 19 months old. She is so adorable and fun that I pretty much can't even deal with it. There's basically no walking.  She runs everywhere.  She loves to be chased and tackled and tickled.  She laughs until she snorts and wheezes.  She has a mean dunk. My daughter is basically indestructible.  She falls, runs into things, bumps her head...and then says whoa and carries on with

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-73192097752322176152010-09-21T20:34:00.000-04:002010-09-21T20:34:57.612-04:00

I generally use my iPhone camera for good, not evil. Generally. The problem is that I'm just not very nice.  I mean, I could work on it.  But I'm not really that interested in being a better person.  I'm not mean, really, but I'm just not nice. Sometimes I use my iPhone to annoy people who annoy me.  It's only fair.  For example, this old guy would not stop staring at me in the mall.  I tried

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-73170742560895287492010-09-14T19:54:00.000-04:002010-09-14T19:54:51.122-04:00

I really don't know anything about twins.  First, I was bleeding like a stuck pig.  And wearing a pad every day to catch your blood waterfall does not really scream "SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCY, REJOICE!"  Next, the ultrasound people could not see a membrane separating the twins.  So I was all, Bad Things Might Happen, Do Not Get Excited, etc. Then, I got sick.  Like...really fucking sick.  All day

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-44406102773423205872010-09-07T20:27:00.001-04:002010-09-07T20:29:26.357-04:00

Or, Fat Albert's appetite. Either way, move your ass!  I'm hungry! Oh yes, I'm still sick.  And the anonymous commenter who hoped that I would blow hard chunks?  Got her wish.  You're welcome, I did it all for you, perhaps you will hate me less or perhaps not but HEY! HEY! HEY!  Gimmeh some tortilla chips!  On Saturday, I ate a big bowl of cherries and then like 3 hours later I blew hard

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-84754917603676972832010-08-31T20:02:00.000-04:002010-08-31T20:02:04.967-04:00

...and pretty, and has an ass that looks good in, like, any pair of pants, no matter what. I'm working on a post for you about how I almost killed and/or ate my waiter at Chili's this afternoon.  But first I have questions about multiple pregnancies. First, some updates. I had my 12 week appointment and NT scan a few weeks ago, and everything looked good.  Most importantly, my identical

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com98tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-83843226357085893332010-08-23T19:30:00.000-04:002010-08-23T19:30:29.999-04:00

Last week, at work.... Phone rings Jen: Name of Biznass, this is Jennifer, how can I help you? Random Perverted Dude: uhhhh....what? Jen: Name of Biznass, can I help you? RPD:  Yeah, so...wutz ur name? Jen: Jennifer.  Can I help you? Silent Rage. RPD: Yeah.  Jennifer.  Uh huh.  Yeah.  I gotta...gotta question fur u. Silent Rage Jen: Oh...kay? RPD: Yeah...uh... Barely Silent Rage RPD:

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-22171409196997286562010-08-10T20:03:00.008-04:002010-08-10T20:06:59.277-04:00

HOW I SHOULD FEEL: HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL: -- One Year Ago:  The Picture of Perfect Parenting Two Years Ago: Back, With Belly Pics

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-23756784755648696302010-08-04T20:12:00.000-04:002010-08-04T20:12:17.602-04:00

A little over two years ago, while I was pregnant with Olivia, my coworker was also pregnant.  She was six weeks behind me then.  I had my baby in February, she had hers in April.  Our maternity leaves overlapped by about a month. I don't mean to over exaggerate our importance, but what we came back to was a textbook cluster fuck.  We are the only two people who do our job, and while there are

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-67517632143689994782010-07-28T20:27:00.008-04:002010-07-28T20:30:15.760-04:00

I am no longer able to brag self-righteously about how my kid has never shit in the tub. Because she did.  This very evening.  Half diarrhea, half 40 year old man toilet clogging turd.  Right in the tub, with no warning save one tiny grunt and a duck fart.  And then we all died.  The end. I'd love to describe it to you in painfully uninteresting detail, but all I remember saying is "OH MY GOD I

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-38461665949458185462010-07-20T20:11:00.001-04:002010-07-20T20:17:06.351-04:00

I had my first OB appointment last week.  It was mostly uneventful, but started off with soul-crushing disappointment. I am a pretty amazing pee-er.  I mean, it takes some amazing skill to have a HUMAN in your stomach, sticking out like a watermelon, and still be able to aim your pee stream into a small sample cup every week.  It was a major source of pride for me to pull up a full cup with a

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7012874364178693867.post-6135756062475140242010-07-13T19:10:00.000-04:002010-07-13T19:10:40.126-04:00

But you have been ho-ing, and now you're pregnant. It's funny because it's true.

Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03844806977351587056noreply@blogger.com25